my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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