Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize