am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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