My balls are so social today.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
