You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Cover your peen. We're going out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
