Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
is it fun? or sober?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
