I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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