clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
