If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
