fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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