the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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