Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
