So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
