Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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