Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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