Can i not drive my cunt home
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize