this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
