you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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