I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
PANTIES FOUND
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