Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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