Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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