I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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