thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
