I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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