Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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