She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
