whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it was like eating out sand paper
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
