Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
