I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
