we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
