Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
