I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
