did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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