I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
