actually, I'm a sock model
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
