I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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