i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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