Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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