literally had 100 drinks last night.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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