accomplished twins. life is a go
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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