i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
