Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
