you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
