Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
