woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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