Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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