it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
