So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
