...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The power of my boobs compel you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
