I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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