I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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