why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
