I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The maid of honor just puked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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