So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
