fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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