you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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