grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize