i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
