After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
