Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
