cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
