quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
