apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have already put on my inside pants.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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