Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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