thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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