a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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