i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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