I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
