i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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