So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
